The Upside of Sick

I could bore you with a litany of all the things that are terrible about cancer, but that would do no good. Going over everything I hate about this situation makes me miserable, and sharing it will just make you depressed, and the last thing we need is more sad people. So, instead, I have decided to list some of the good things about being seriously ill. Yes, there are some. It is not all nausea and fatigue and bruises and dry mouth. Here are just a few of the perks:

1. You now have an excuse out of anything at any time. Literally anything. When you get severe dizzy spells and spontaneous nose bleeds, no one is going to nag you about your underwear on the floor. Don’t feel like putting your bowl in the dishwasher? Cancer. Don’t want to change a poopy diaper? Cancer. Once you feel better, people will forget that you were sick and these perks will go away, so I say use them while you can.

2. You can completely reinvent yourself. You’ve already lost your hair, so you have a new look anyway. Always wanted to dress like a rocker chick? Do it. Hate your job but were always too afraid to quit? Walk away. Always wanted a tattoo? Get it. (But wait until you have blood cells again.) Change everything and anything you want. After cancer, no one is going to question your desire to overhaul whatever time you have left. Cancer is the best “get out of jail/school/job” card you could ever play.

3. You will get so thin that you can wear anything. You know how they say you can’t lose weight unless you work for it? Not true! Chemo will kick those last five, ten, or 15 pounds off your frame like no boot camp ever could. So now you can rock those skinny jeans and all it took was a boatload of toxic chemicals pumped into your veins. The downside of this, of course, is that your super skinny self will be far too weak to strut. A catheter in your chest also puts a serious damper on bikini season. So just stay seated and keep your shirt on, and no one will be the wiser.

4. You will save a small fortune on haircuts, highlights, hairspray, shampoo and all things hair-related. Get a good wig, and you have perfect hair every day in about five seconds. I now laugh in the face of humidity.

5. You will have a very sudden, unexpected respite from all duties and deadlines. If you are a type-A personality like me, this may bring a strange sort of relief. Before cancer, I was drowning in PhD deadlines and driven to always be better and work harder. In less than a week that was all taken away. While the sense of loss was difficult, the shift into a mindful, restful existence where no one expects anything of me has been a surprising gift. A nurse, however, pointed out to me that most people are more stressed, not less, when they get a cancer diagnosis. I’m more relaxed now than I’ve been in years. Interesting.

6. No one has to hold back your hair when you puke. Ok, admittedly this is not a great perk, but it did come to mind the other night during a particularly bad bout of nausea. Sometimes it’s the little things.

7. Finally, you will (hopefully) be overwhelmed by how many people care about you. I will never be able to thank all of the people who have donated money, meals, and time to help us, not to mention all of the supportive emails, cards and gifts that I have received. If I ever thought I was alone, I never will again. There are people praying for me on nearly every continent. It is astonishing and incredibly humbling. We shouldn’t need serious illness to bring us together, but maybe sometimes we do.

There you have it. Seven good things about being sick. I may be crawling up the stairs, I may have no white blood cells, but I don’t have to do dishes and I look great in leggings.

That’s something, right?