A Year of Less

2011 was the year of PhD insanity and the birth of my daughter. 2012 was the year of cancer, and that’s pretty much it. 2013 was the year of healing, recovery and reinvention (and repeated injuries).

So what is 2014 going to be? After much thought and many different lists of goals, I’ve decided to make this the year of less (I know, super inspiring). What I have learned through these past few months is that triathlon is a metaphor for my life: as long as you are trying to do three (or more) things fairly well, you cannot do any of those things exceptionally well. When you only do each sport twice a week, it is essentially impossible to get very good at any single one of them. I find triathlon awesome in that I never get bored (different workouts each day), but also frustrating in that I will never get very good at each individual sport.

Since I got cancer and stopped working on my PhD, this has basically been my life. Before that, I was laser focused on my graduate studies, so I excelled. I was an expert at what I did, at the expense of most other things. Now, being unable to pinpoint one particular thing that I want to do, I am floundering a bit. I am an expert only at changing my mind.

Snowboarding bliss

I watch my son, who loves everything and wants to do it all, but cannot sit still for one particular thing. He comes by it honestly, as I am like that too - I love it all. Life is awesome. After a year of being so sick and unable to do anything, I spun around with great enthusiasm and tried to do everything. There are so many great things to do, how does one choose? (As a side note, I really do not understand how anyone is ever bored - I could fill a book with all the things I want to do and try). But the problem with this is that everything suffers (including my family), because I am trying to do too much.

When people ask me what I’ve been up to, I find myself a little dizzied by my own response. “Well, I started a business, I’m training for a triathlon, I’m doing my yoga teacher training, and I’m also trying to write a book.” Wait… am I not also a mom – AKA the chef, maid, laundress, chauffeur, educator and primary caregiver in the family? And don’t I have also a husband somewhere in there? I’m fairly certain that no one has extended the twenty-four hour day just yet.

So. For the good of all mankind, but mostly for my family, 2014 has to be the year of paring down. Instead of setting more goals and more resolutions, I’m actually working really hard to do less. I’m the queen of super lofty goals – not setting them is tough (case in point: committing to a first-ever triathlon with a stress fracture, no bike, and $6400 to raise). No one has ever called me lazy. So now I need to set the bar lower on my ambitions (I just gagged on that sentence. Just a little bit). 

Here are my resolutions for 2014: Have more fun. Drink more water. Do more yoga. Eat more greens.

Hot chocolate dates with my daughter
rank pretty high on my 2014 to-do list.

I’d like to stop the list right there, and that’s a struggle. There are so many other things I want to do. I want to write a book and earn a decent living, move my family to Vancouver and break twenty minutes (again) in a five kilometre race. Publish some articles in magazines. Organize my house. Volunteer at the cancer centre. It goes on and on. And because I always feel a little nervous that I have less time than the average person, I get anxious when I think of putting anything off until next year. What if I don’t have a next year? 

As if to drive this point home, I just found out that a young friend of a teen I know died on December 30. He was diagnosed only a few months before I was (January 2012) with the same leukemia that I had. This hits a little too close to home and my heart breaks for the family. Cancer is not a gift - it is a serial killer.

Many of us have a lot less time than we think.

And then my daughter tugs at my leg. She doesn’t need anything in particular. She just wants me to hold her. At that moment, am I so busy trying to accomplish things that I am annoyed with her, or can I stop and give her a good, long hug?

I spent an hour with her yesterday quietly putting sticker dresses onto paper dolls. Was that productive by our busy society's standards? Of course not. But it was bliss.

Do you think she cares if I break twenty minutes in a 5k or publish a magazine article? Nope. But she does care if I’m happier, if I have more time for her, and if I’m less stressed and irritable.

Whenever it is my turn to leave this world, I want my children to remember a happy mom. A mom that did yoga with them in the living room. A mom who laughed and goofed around and wasn’t stressed out all the time. A mom who had energy to chase them around the playground and take them to the pool and teach them how to read.

I don’t want them to remember a mom who was overextended, irritated and exhausted.

Dance party? Yes please.

I want more time, in every sense. And the only way for me to get that is to do less. This is a resolution I have never set before. Being busy is my bad habit to break.

So for the rest of this year, if you ask me to do something or attend something and I say no, please don’t be offended. It’s a word I don’t use very often, and I’m going to be practicing it. Every time something looks interesting or a new opportunity comes across my path, I’m going to try really hard to just say no.

Unless of course someone offers me a pony. Or a house in Vancouver. Then obviously the answer is yes.

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The name of the young man that I mentioned above is Isaac Cote. It would mean a lot to his family and friends if you would be willing to make a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in his name. He was a young, healthy teenager who was diagnosed out of the blue, just like I was, and he fought hard but didn't make it. That could have been me. This should not happen and we can find a cure. You can help by donating HERE.